Well, God is doing all of this great work in my life, He is softening my heart, He is leading me again as I struggle to hand over the controls, I’m trying Lord, be patient with me. He is showing me more of what He wants from me. He is helping me develop my God-given talents. He is calling and I am answering. I think over the last week He’s been unwrapping the dirty bandage. I was really afraid of the stench we would find there, and I’m sure there is some, but I think we discovered something even more interesting. I’m protecting a wound that has mostly healed. It’s mostly a scar now. Scars can be tender too, they are certainly reminders of devastation and heartache. But there’s less protection needed for a scar. That means that for sometime now I’ve been living like the wounded, allowing wound-defending behaviors to rule my life. This is dangerous for me and everyone else. Because those behaviors breed other bad behaviors – greed, envy, jealousy, pride, bitterness….all of those bad fruits that we don’t want to grow as Christians.
I pray that as the next days and weeks unfold, God will strip away the bad behaviors, and all the defense mechanisms, and that He will shine through. I pray that He will lay His loving hand over the scar and bring more healing. I pray that any hidden infection will be cast out, and that the Blood of Jesus will wash over me, making me new and transforming me. I also pray that God will help me to see the world from a perspective of grace, offering forgiveness freely, and giving the wounds to Him for His grace and healing to cover me.
I know we serve a God of reconciliation – that’s why He sent Jesus, He wanted to reconcile us to Himself. This is a huge concept for me, and once that I get asked about a lot, in the form of, “So, are you two back together?” Well, I don’t know what the future holds. For now we are great friends, raising two great kids together, and learning to do life together. It is hard to share a home and a life with someone. I have to admit, it’s a bit harder when you aren’t sharing as spouses, but rather just as parents, but maybe this is God’s way of teaching us to walk through the storms in unity. Maybe, through the prayers of our wonderful families, our Mom’s, our church families, friends, and others that I may not even realize, and maybe because God is a God of reconciliation, this strange little thing of ours will turn into more.
So, back to the romantic notions. Maybe the someone I can share those dinners with will be Stacy. I know he surprised me with a beautiful rose the other day, and it made me smile. I know it scares me to admit that I might ever consider anything other than this. I also know that I hate making the first move, and I don’t know how to change my position in a way that will be recognized. To add to what I know…I know to wait and go slow. I know that rushing anything would not be wise, and I know my kids don’t need to be hurt repeatedly by the stupid choices adults make. So tonight I’m wondering and praying for God’s will in this really messy life of ours. I’m praying that He will mold us both, and that He will grow in both of our hearts a desire to seek Him, pursue Him and live for Him. I pray that we will find our peace, strength, and healing in Him and Him alone. I pray that when I get defensive He will remind me that He is guarding and healing the scar, and that the wound is not there anymore.
I would love to hear your thoughts about wounds, healing, reconciliation, etc. Please comment below with anything you’d like to add, any questions you have, or what your prayer is in your current romantic situation!