faith, family, health

I just need to write something…

I have no idea where to start or what to write about, but I need to write something. It’s Saturday at 1:15pm, the ninth of July, and I’ve been in the hospital since July 3rd at 2pm. I came into the emergency room at St. Anthony’s experiencing severe respiratory distress. I caught a cold, and it all went down hill from there. By the time I came to the emergency room, I was using my nebulizer every hour and receiving little to no relief. Just walking into the ER caused an exacerbation, and I couldn’t wait for triage, they had to stop to help me. They put me on BIPAP – and were considering the ventilator. I made it through the night (a long, painful night, I might add,) and moved to an ICU bed the next afternoon when there was room. I remained in BIPAP for another day or two (these days are running together now), but I know by 10:30pm Wednesday the 6th I moved to a step down room – not quite ICU, but not a “regular” room, either. I was still on constant monitoring, but was able to get out of the bed a little. Yesterday/Friday the 8th, I got moved to a “regular” room, I’m off the monitoring, still on oxygen, and have an IV still in. The IV is not being used because they’ve switched me to oral medications, but they want it in place if they need to use it again. I got to wander the hospital last night and this morning, ate in the cafeteria with Mom this morning, and sat on the patio for an hour! It was great to get some outside air.

I’m again trying to decide if I should stay in OK or go to CO. What about Oliver, Cheeky, Flynn?! My day care? Stacy quit his job to take a different one and is leaving the state on Monday or Tuesday. They just came in my room to say I’m not going home today – maybe tomorrow, but my O2 sats are not climbing/maintaining on room air like the medical staff would like to see. I’m emotionally spent, physically ready for MY bed and MY blanket, I want to see my kids and not be stressed about them playing on a hospital floor. I want to understand why my asthma is so out of control that for twice in a year I’ve been through a serious hospital stay.

I want to trust God in this, but I feel a little lost. Then, He does the amazing and makes sure I don’t have to worry about the actually medical bills of this stay – they have been generously taken care of. Yet, I feel like an Israelite complaining about manna because I’m thinking, “What about the “other” bills, what about this/that/there/where?” instead of just seeing and appreciating this moments provision. Why does God want me to grow so much?! I’m good with my “comfort” zone – this stretching….stretches.

I know I’ve rambled, and even I don’t know what the point of this post is. I just had to write something, I haven’t been writing on my blog as much lately – and I haven’t written anything since I’ve been in the hospital, so I thought I’d start here.

Yahoo published some more of my stuff – that was encouraging!

Thanks for reading my ramblings! I might try writing more later!

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