So, my posts have been fewer and far-er between than I really like for them to be, but life is a little crazy in this corner. And I’m learning to be humble. A lot has changed lately, and I have to say I’m really excited about all of these changes.
And tonight I am tired. I am looking around at a house that needs to be cleaned, packed, and knowing that tomorrow I start all over again with work, school, etc. I should be up doing something like laundry, packing, taking pictures of things to sell, or something else “productive” but I’m taking a “me” moment, and writing.
I was cooking dinner, having one of those moments where I was doubting my abilities, doubting my choices, questioning many of the things I’m doing – all the “mom” things, because it’s easy for me to get there. There are 3 boys running around here now – affectionately known as 13, 6 and 4. 13 is the newest, in case you didn’t know. He has won my heart (big shocker, right?) and he has challenged me. In the best ways possible…and in some of the most humbling.
Guess what? I am clueless on how to best direct a teenager in real life! For a day or two, here and there, with borrowed kids, it’s easy. And in my head, it’s easy. And in real life, it isn’t so easy. Oddly enough, many of the ideas I have on how to go about it seem to still be practical…but applying them, with the required consistancy….hard…very very hard. I even issued a couple apologies…one for being a know it all daughter…and one for being a high & mighty best friend… because I’m realizing that this parenting thing gets harder.
But standing there, in front of my stove, I had an epiphany. My very tired self was comforted as the still small voice said “You were made for this moment, you are where you are supposed to be, and you can do this.” I needed that…I needed to remember that the greatest place I am blessed to serve from is right here. With these kids, with my guy…the cooking, the cleaning, the homework…it all counts for something. I’ve wondered if this is “all” my life adds up to occasionally, and these reminders make me realize it is ALL worth it.
My heart is full tonight, despite how tired I am. Things aren’t perfect, the house is a mess, the little two boys went to bed later than they should have, and there is a lot that needs to be done in the next few days, but my heart it full. I am blessed beyond measure, and I’m quite sure that I’m right where God wants me to be.
Regina Walker 