Focus

Boy, oh boy…I needed a shift in perspective, and I always seem to find it when I start writing again. I don’t know why I ever make excuses and allow myself to stop chasing this particular, long held dream of mine. I know for a little while, I was having a pity party. One of my favorite dreams got stolen….okay, okay…a dream cannot be stolen. But the means to see that dream come true, can be stolen. But I’m realizing more and more that someday, I’ll get to look at life through a camera lens again.

The best part of that realization, is the even bigger one. I’m not doing this alone. I learned a lot about myself when I faced life “alone” – but I don’t have to face it that way anymore. In fact, I am very thankful to say that I’ve got an amazing man standing with me, giving me a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on, a hand to hold, and facing the good, bad and ugly with me.

Oddly enough, it’s a little bit hard to let go of the “alone” badge. Not that I didn’t have any reason to be proud of myself for what I managed to walk through, around, over, under, etc….but my pride gets a little bit big. And as I’ve been working on blog posts and my writer brain has kicked in, I’m examining myself a little more closely. It’s time to lay the “alone” badge to rest, and wear the “team” badge. This is something I am beyond thankful for, and I want to be part of this team. I love my guy with all of my heart, and I don’t want ever want him to think I don’t appreciate all that he does for me and the boys.

The next thing I realized…and I really hate admitting this, is I’ve been a little too stuck on the past. Mainly the things that hurt, too. It’s amazing the things that make you realize you haven’t let go, you haven’t grown past, you haven’t forgiven. But I think I made a huge step. In focusing on some of my dreams, and how to pursue them, I’ve turned, once again, to writing. I want to start working on one of my novels. So, I told my writer-friend that I was going to start back on an old book…but when I picked it up, I realized I didn’t want to write about the hurts that were meant to shape that particular character and drive forward that story.

I want to start a new story. I’ve closed so many chapters…and even whole books…in my life recently. I closed the file for the painful story I started when I was hurting, and tonight, I’m going to start a new story. One that has a little more hope, and one that will help me remember and focus on what is good in my life, because there is far more good in my life now than bad. And from where I’m sitting, I think it’s going to be that way for a very long time…