One of those hard prayers…

I’ve been feeling this tug on my heart to be more fervent in my prayers for our kids, and one of the things I’ve felt very called to pray about is truth. I have been suspicious about a few things that have been happening, and my guy has quickly said that what I think may be an issue, isn’t.

My first thought, and prayer, in praying for truth, was that the truth would be revealed to him. (How typical is that?) So, I began praying that his eyes would be open, and he would see all of the kids, and their behavior, for what it really is. Especially if there is an issue, that we would be swift to investigate and correct where necessary.

Then, God spoke to me about my own heart. And my prayer changed. I started praying that I would trust more. To be honest, I don’t trust kids at all. I got away with too much because I never had to answer many questions, so I am full of questions for the kids. And lots of things look like red flags. And it’s not that I think our kids are horrible people, it’s that I’ve been to really horrible, really dark places, and had some really bad adults take advantage of me because I went down the wrong path. I made the choices, and at the time I really believed I knew enough about the world to be making those choices. And these things all scare me for our kids. I don’t want them to run with the wrong crowd, or make the wrong choices, or experiment with the wrong things…but when they make wrong choices, I want them to be found out. I want to catch them. And guide them.

Not every wrong choice is worthy of, or needs, harsh punishment. Not everything should boil my blood (and hopefully, it won’t). But, wrong choices need guidance, and need a firm, loving parent to redirect which way things are going. Even as adults, we need our wrong choices to be discovered and corrected. God doesn’t want us wandering in the dark as adults, either.

Why are these such hard prayers? For one, because instead of pointing the finger, and expecting all of the red flags to stand out to my guy, I had to humble myself and let a few red flags go because I am overly suspicious. Plus, these prayers forced me to be more vigilant, more attentive, and more open to God’s guidance. And I have to humble myself to admit that I don’t always have the answers, that I need guidance to be able to correct, guide, and even sometimes let go of the issues we are facing. Some “issues” are really not issues, and I wasn’t prepared to deal with that when I started praying for this…

What is your prayer right now?

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