Recognizing Change

Sometimes change is hard to recognize, especially when it happens gradually. The thing I found is, I often try to function based on “old” information, and am not functioning based on the changes. This can be frustrating for me, and the people around me.

Currently, the change I’ve noticed is personal, and is a huge shift. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but since I’ve acknowledged it and quit forcing myself to function based on how I used to be, I’m a lot more at peace.

See, I used to be the “on-the-go” girl. In fact, the kids and I were rarely, if ever, home. Between church things, friend things, play groups and what not, I had something to do, somewhere to be, every day. I would load up my kids, kids I was watching, any kids, and go.

I was usually the one that went to a friend’s house instead of hosting a get together. I just never stopped going, going, going. And I wanted it that way, in fact, when I didn’t get to go, go, go, I went crazy. I got cabin fever, and felt cooped up and stressed out.

Fast forward to now, and I’m home schooling once again. I have errands that occasionally need to be run, and trips to the library to make. Yet, I never want to go anywhere. At first, I was trying to function with the “go, go, go” thought, even going so far as to beat myself up and accuse myself of being lazy. But it’s not like I’m staying home to nap. I just don’t want to go to the store. Or anywhere, really.

I never used to understand my hermit friends…especially when they gave lists to their hubby’s and sent them shopping. I could not for the life of me fathom why one would do such a thing. Even if I had to go with 4 or 5 kids in tow, I wanted to go. But, guess what friends? I get it!

My hunny came in two nights ago and asked what was for dinner. I told him sloppy joes but that I needed to go get veggies to go with dinner. He said “I’ll stay here with the kids so you can go.” Instead of jumping for joy at going somewhere by myself and having a solitary moment, I was pouting because he didn’t say he would go to the store. When I confessed that I didn’t want to go to the store, he took a list and got everything I asked him to. Well, he came back with 6 less eggs than I asked for…but I think I can overlook that.

I stayed home with the kids, happily – even passing up the moment of solitude that I could have had. And I am realizing that I’ve changed, and our home is where I want to be, even with all of the chaos, all of the messes, and all of the crazy boys.

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