I joke occasionally about the fall of man and who’s fault it is, but it is not something I usually give great thought to. I mean, it happened a long time ago, and I’m a sinner. The important thing to focus on, in my opinion, is the sacrifice of Christ and learning to imitate Him and live according to God’s will for my life. I am forever grateful for the grace of God, the gift of Christ, and the freedom from spending eternity without my God.
This morning, however, I started thinking about Eve. And the curse on childbearing. I actually wonder if that was a curse on intimacy, too – because in God’s design, intimacy leads to children usually.
3 months ago, we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.
I am now struggling with a lot of physical insecurity. My hair is coming out in clumps, I usually smell like spit up, and I’m extra saggy. Saggy is never good. I wonder often if I am even the teeniest bit attractive to my husband, and this has all been weighing me down. Not to mention, now I’m worrying about another little person, and whether or not I’m doing good enough as a Mom.
What does this have to do with Eve?
I don’t think, before the sin, she had these doubts. I think she was completely comfortable with who she was, and how she looked. She was confident in God’s love for her, certain of her husband’s love (and attraction) for her, and sure of her ability to do the work God had given her. She didn’t question herself for every little thing she did, she didn’t worry endlessly about what Adam thought of her. She knew she was beautiful, the way God made her to be, and she knew that God was pleased with her and so was her husband.
I envy that kind of comfortable. See, I don’t think she was proud, or arrogant, or walked around like she was better than anyone. She was free from the comparisons. She didn’t need to be better than anyone, because she didn’t see them in comparison to herself. She saw them as perfectly created by God. She saw herself as perfectly created by God.
I don’t think the curse just meant that labor and delivery would be painful, or that those 9 months leading up to labor and delivery would come with discomfort (heartburn, anyone?) I think, as is evident by them covering their bodies, they became suddenly aware of themselves in comparison to one another and the world. They were no longer basking in the comfort of being purposefully created.
There are so many angles to consider when we think on the fall of man, and our own personal sin. This is just one I’m pondering this morning.
Sister, if you are struggling, know you aren’t alone. I have been feeling especially broken lately and feel as though I am lacking. Know that God hasn’t left you in this time, and that there are lessons when we walk through things that are this hard. Know that He created you, He loves you, He wants you and He has a purpose for you.
My prayer is that God would use this time of brokenness to teach me. My heart aches deeply when I begin to wonder if I’m good enough, or attractive/desirable, or if I’m measuring up. I pray that God would use this time of hurting to teach me compassion for other women who are struggling, because if there is one thing I’ve learned, I’m not the only one who goes through these things.
How can I pray for you, dear sister? Please feel free to share your struggles and know that I will be praying with you for God to move in your life.