It pains me to admit that I am like Peter. If someone asked me which disciple I most thought I was like, it would have never been Peter.
Peter denied Jesus.
I would never do that.
I would never behave like the Israelites.
I would never forget the goodness, glory, righteousness, grace, love, provision, healing that comes from God. No way, no how. I have the things in my own life that remind me, and the Bible serves as a fantastic reminder of just how amazing our God is. I would never deny Him, would I?
Today, Pastor called me. I cannot express in words how thankful I am for his call and his prayers. We are facing some parenting challenges, and it was nice to hear from not only a parent who has gone before me, but also a man of God, and to know I’m not alone. He has wise words, but where he doesn’t have many words, he has questions, and questions help me think and reason and come up with my own conclusions. I like questions. Some questions, anyway.
As we neared the end of the call, he wanted to pray with me. He asked if I wanted to pray first, or if I wanted him to pray first. I gave him the go ahead to pray first. And my office filled up with people as he prayed. To be honest, I am not even sure what he prayed because there were too many people in my office, and they all needed something from me. I froze.
“You covered it, I don’t have anything to add.”
And I got off the phone. I had a little giggle over my silliness and went on about my business, helping the people that needed my attention/time/information etc. But later, as I was recounting the story to my mom, and she said “You know God laughed about that.” I carried on and the words came out of my mouth before they sunk in, “either that or I denied Jesus, just like Peter.” and she said, “And that makes me cry.”
Tonight, I am asking for a whole lot of grace. I’m asking for enough grace for myself and enough grace to give, and enough grace to carry me through the days and weeks and months ahead as we walk through these parenting challenges. I am thankful that Jesus paid the price for me, even knowing my past, my present, and my future. He knows that stuff I’m going to screw up (before I ever even screw up) and He loves me anyway. Tonight, I’m clinging to that, because it’s the lifeline this Momma needs.