To The Mom of a Daughter with Hair

I am sorry. I used to think horrible things about your daughter’s hair, or your keeping of her hair, honestly. Things like, “Is it that hard to run a brush through her hair?”

Things like, “Is it that hard to wash her hair every day?”

I couldn’t stand seeing little girls with ratty, messy, dirty, unkempt hair. It just really annoyed me. Prior to the birth of my daughter, I had only boys. In our blended family, there are 4 boys before the girl happened. Boy hair is easy–and if you’re in public and a boy gets food in his short hair (and mine always have short hair) you just rub a wipe in/over/around the spot and clean it up.

Well, I am sorry to you. I am sorry for thinking I was perfect or had my act together or could keep a girl’s hair managed. I didn’t expect fancy hair, I swear! Mine is always clean and put up. Not fancy. But still, I’m not making excuses here. I shouldn’t have judged, and I did.

I carry a hairbrush with me. I wash my daughter’s hair daily. And length doesn’t seem to matter, although the longer it gets, the less a wipe can clean stuff out of it. Even toting a hair brush and using water at every sink in town doesn’t get me in and out of anywhere with her hair looking managed!!

In fact, I’ve started wondering if people who have 2 year old daughter’s with managed hair haven’t stuck a wig on their kid’s head, or maybe even tied her hands up while in the car, while eating, while doing anything, really.

I am the mom with the daughter whose ponytail is crooked, whose hair is a mixture of crunchy, crumbly, dusty, and wet/sticky. And if I brush it on my way out the door, it never looks like when we arrive somewhere. And if I brush it when I pull her out of the truck, it looks frayed, frazzled, and poofy.

Why is 2 year old girl hair so hard to manage? It’s impossible, I swear!!!

(Forget bows, headbands, barrettes, flowers, etc!)


See that hair? It had a clip in it like 3 min before this photo!

The Wrong Wish

My precious girl has a head full of curls. Beautiful, bouncy curls that I just love to play with. She has a hard little noggin, so she doesn’t complain too much about the combing, brushing, or detangling.


These curls. So precious.

Every time I brush her hair, I wonder how I can teach her to love her hair (and her other features). Too often, girls are so concerned about how they look, about being trendy enough, attractive enough, good enough. I struggle with feeling like I am not pretty, and I’d like to protect her from these feelings.

There isn’t something obvious from my past that I can pinpoint. Certainly my parents both told me I was pretty, or cute, or adorable, as a young girl. No one ever said I wasn’t pretty, but I struggle with it just the same. I know I’m not alone. Girls are always changing their hair, makeup and wardrobe trying to look just right.

I almost called my sister. She has curly hair (even curlier than Princess W’s hair). I was going to ask her what she thought could have been done, early in her life, to help her love her curls. She’s had a love/hate relationship with her curls for as long as I can remember.

But it hit me before I dialed, as I whispered a little prayer. I need to help her love Jesus. The more she experiences Jesus, the more she will accept how God made her. And the bible warns that worldly beauty fades (and the standards change all the time), but true beauty is more like a heart condition.

My new prayer is for myself, that I would focus more on my daughter’s heart and less on her curls, that I would lead her to love Jesus, and let His love consume her in ways that no amount of motherly, worldly, or self love ever could.

With ea h new revelation that i need to point my kids toward Jesus, I also recognize my growing need for Jesus, for His love, His forgiveness, and His acceptance. I cannot believe He was willing to die for my sins. I marvel that He is always with me, always guiding me. I am in awe that God picked me to be the mom of 4, stepmom of 2. I am humbled and overwhelmed and scared that I’m really messing up this big responsibility. I pray that He will fill in each gap I create, or miss, or overlook, or even ignore.