Parents Get a Do Over too

We’ve been watching an incredible series on TBRI – Trust Based Relational Intervention – to help us build trust based parenting skills to use at home. One of the practices they use over and over is giving the kids a re-do.

Disrespectful tone? Say it again nicer.

Forgot to ask, instead told/commanded? Try again.

Instead of punishing the person, they give them the opportunity to connect and try again. I’ll be honest, I thoroughly love watching these. They are full of useful helps like this.

Yet, in the real world, when the kids are awake once again, it’s easy to use the same old, same old.

My 5 year old daughter was particularly sassy this morning, and I finally barked, “Don’t talk to me like that! Get out of the laundry room!”

And I froze. That wasn’t the response I wanted to use. I blew it. I hung up another shirt, while shaking my head at myself. Next time, I’ll try it the right way next time.

Buzz. Wrong.

I called her back to me, “I didn’t mean to talk to you like that. Were you asking or telling when you talked to me?”

She smiled real big, “I was supposed to be asking. Will you please hand me that?”

I got to fulfill her request, reach something that was too tall for her to reach, and connect with her. And she got to have her do over and see that asking nicely produces better results.

Parents get a do over too. It’s a lot like apologizing – we have to tell pride to take a hike, and we have to tell ourselves not to wait until next time. Try again this time. Don’t let this moment pass without learning how to respond to and lead your kids better.

They get a do over when they mess up so they can practice the right behavior and hopefully turn the right behavior into a habit. We get a do over for the exact same reason.

Until next time,

Kindness Abounds

Dear Regina,
How did you get to be so amazing? And when can we get together for coffee? I love that you are doing this. You are smart, talented, and so sincerely tender.

Laura
Luther, America

Dear Laura,

You are sweet and kind, your words mean so much to me. I can’t wait for our coffee date next week!

As for how I got to be so amazing – I don’t know. I want to deflect and avoid even answering, because the truth is, I have a really ugly way of talking to myself and a nasty inside voice that says I can’t/shouldn’t/don’t measure up. He is loud and a little frightening at times. Sometimes, though, I stomp my foot and stare him down, telling him he doesn’t get to decide everything. And for a moment, I feel brave enough to take on something new and exciting, like this.

I’ll see you soon!

With Love,
Regina W.