Like a Weight was Lifted

I went to bed last night feeling a little bit unsure. It was harder than I imagined bidding the feed store farewell. I knew it was the right decision but it can be hard to let go of ideas, hopes, and dreams for something – especially something that I envisioned being part of my life for the next 30, 40, 50 years.

Then I slept. Sleep is refreshing. I think it is some important to remember that how we are feeling when we are tired and depleted is not an accurate picture of a situation.

I woke up earlier than usual, refreshed, ready, and making plans for our family, our home, our farm, and our journey forward. I feel the creative brewing and the drive to write once again.

I was measuring my success against someone else’s and in the comparison game, I always come up short. But this morning I see it around me, the success we’ve had, the joy we’ve experienced, all of the growth individually and as a family. I am ready for what’s to come.

The Mister and I are spending our morning deciding what direction to take the farm, what our farm goals are, and then comes business planning for his business. We have our work cut out for us this weekend setting goals and creating a path and plan to achieve those goals.

Have you set goals for this year? I would love to hear what they are!

Until next time,
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Things I Don’t Regret from 2017

I found this writing prompt, and I thought…whoa! I need to document some things I don’t regret from 2017, because our year is ended rough.

I don’t regret my word – steadfast. In fact, 2017 demanded just that from me – that I be steadfast, on a nearly daily basis. And I’m better for it today, on Dec. 31, 2017.

I don’t regret the way I can see the faithful hand of God working through my life, through the good and bad, in 2017. He revealed Himself to me profoundly, and His grace is evident. Even now, as I write this, in the midst of chaos and even fear, I can clearly see His hand at work in our lives.

My sweet husband and I are closer now than I think we’ve ever been, and I don’t regret that. I haven’t always liked the obstacles, the trials, or the hurts, but the treasure is worth it. He is my best friend, and I know him a little better on Dec. 31st than I did on Jan. 1st.

I do not regret seeing Yellowstone National Park, or making it to our family reunion (finally) this year! What a great time we had spending time with everyone. And sweet Mr. A got to spend the majority of his summer in Wyoming.

I don’t regret rerouting my trip to pick Mr. A up and going to Colorado instead of South Dakota. It was a beautiful trip and it reminded me that I work well in a pickle…and that my sister and I are a great team.

I don’t regret moving to the country. I don’t regret having my horse in my backyard, getting goats and chickens, and starting fodder. In fact, I quite love it here. This home is a haven for me, a place to weather a few storms, and I am grateful that God allowed us to move out here.

I don’t regret joining a fall bowling league with Mr. W again – even though I said I wouldn’t. Truth is, I kind of like bowling with him.

I don’t regret all of the birthdays we celebrated, or how much my kids have grown. I don’t regret the time spent together as a family, or the time spent with extended family. I don’t regret waking up the same man every morning, with the same rotten toddlers wedged between us. (Although I do regret buying a bigger bed!)

Writing this was good for my soul. I needed to be reminded of the things I don’t regret from 2017 before I start 2018.

Tell me, dear readers, what don’t you regret from 2017?

 

Words to Live By, pt2

In case you missed my first post, you can find it here.

Find Pastor Craig’s message here.

Find resources to help you find your Words to Live By here.

I’m going to dive right with answering the first question.

What negative thoughts are dominating my thinking?

With God:

I am not qualified to do what I’ve been called to do.

I do not do enough to please God.

 

In marriage:

I’m not easy to live with.

I’m not worth staying with.

**There is more here. I just couldn’t bring myself to blog it.

In parenting:

Nothing ever works.

I don’t give the kids enough time.

I don’t listen to them enough.

I’m failing as a Mom.

 

In work:

I don’t get enough done.

I’m not in the office enough.

I am not a good leader.

 

If I’m being honest, it’s a little more vulnerable than I expected to share these inner thoughts on my blog. My self-talk has been very negative – in fact, most of my life has been spent believing I wasn’t good enough and didn’t measure up. I have, through lots of journaling and some counseling, identified where some of those thought patterns began. Sometimes that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to undoing such unhealthy behaviors.

I committed to diving deeper this year, and exposing the broken places. I am hopeful and expectant that my God is waiting to do a healing work – but He’s patient and waits for me to deconstruct some of my walls. I am ready to let God speak directly to my broken places.

In the next couple of days, I will share with you what words have become my Words to Live By. I’m going to post them beside my bed, beside my desk, and maybe in my car. I’m going to take captive each thought, and submit it to Christ.

What negative thoughts dominate your thinking?