The Wrong Wish

My precious girl has a head full of curls. Beautiful, bouncy curls that I just love to play with. She has a hard little noggin, so she doesn’t complain too much about the combing, brushing, or detangling.


These curls. So precious.

Every time I brush her hair, I wonder how I can teach her to love her hair (and her other features). Too often, girls are so concerned about how they look, about being trendy enough, attractive enough, good enough. I struggle with feeling like I am not pretty, and I’d like to protect her from these feelings.

There isn’t something obvious from my past that I can pinpoint. Certainly my parents both told me I was pretty, or cute, or adorable, as a young girl. No one ever said I wasn’t pretty, but I struggle with it just the same. I know I’m not alone. Girls are always changing their hair, makeup and wardrobe trying to look just right.

I almost called my sister. She has curly hair (even curlier than Princess W’s hair). I was going to ask her what she thought could have been done, early in her life, to help her love her curls. She’s had a love/hate relationship with her curls for as long as I can remember.

But it hit me before I dialed, as I whispered a little prayer. I need to help her love Jesus. The more she experiences Jesus, the more she will accept how God made her. And the bible warns that worldly beauty fades (and the standards change all the time), but true beauty is more like a heart condition.

My new prayer is for myself, that I would focus more on my daughter’s heart and less on her curls, that I would lead her to love Jesus, and let His love consume her in ways that no amount of motherly, worldly, or self love ever could.

With ea h new revelation that i need to point my kids toward Jesus, I also recognize my growing need for Jesus, for His love, His forgiveness, and His acceptance. I cannot believe He was willing to die for my sins. I marvel that He is always with me, always guiding me. I am in awe that God picked me to be the mom of 4, stepmom of 2. I am humbled and overwhelmed and scared that I’m really messing up this big responsibility. I pray that He will fill in each gap I create, or miss, or overlook, or even ignore.

Big Dreams or Mediocre Interests?

All of these cloth diapering, bread-bakering, laundry soap makering, and other natural living endeavors of mine are making me think more about what we are eating. I’m reading more labels, with a better awareness of what I’m reading.

I found a shocker in my cabinets. One of the things I least suspected for being full of “bad” stuff, is chock full of the stuff I don’t want to feed my family. This culprit is in the spice cabinet. Many of the seasonings and spices I have include bad ingredients. MSG is the one that comes to mind, and I should grab a couple bottles and remind myself what else was there.

I try to select seasonings that don’t already have salt in them – I like to add my own salt, even though I don’t use anything too fancy. Yet, I had never considered that MSG would be in the seasonings I use at home. I thought it was all herbs and spices and pepper, you know, good stuff. Good for you stuff. Flavor, rich, dried herbs and spices. No big deal.

WRONG! And now, I’m wondering if there is anything safe anymore? Other than growing it ourselves. I fell asleep thinking about having some land last night, a garden, goats, chickens, and Baby Daddy’s bulls. And horses. And I wish we could make it happen tomorrow.

I think God is teaching me during this time. I think He is helping me fully develop my dreams. And helping me sort out dreams from things that “would be cool”. I think He is calling me to figure out what is really important to me, versus what is just interesting to me. And I am realizing that I must take these things to Him in prayer.

Right now, I have three big things that I am praying about…starting our own business, getting moved out to the country, and what to do with my book.

Have you sorted your big dreams from your mediocre interests? Are you praying about how to make them happen?

Throwback Thursday #2: Audibly Claustrophobic


(This was originally posted here on March 4, 2011. All I really have to add to the end is that I also want to hear my husband and respond to what he is saying/needing/wanting in the correct way. The poor guy gets the brunt of the crabby when it strikes, and yes, I still struggle with the noise overwhelming me.)

2011 is a year of revelations. A year of growth.

My most recent discovery: I am audibly claustrophobic (from here out: AC). Would you like to know what I mean by that? When it gets loud around me, specifically when there are a variety of loud sounds, I get stressed out, feel a bit closed in, and I get CRABBY.

Me, crabby? Never! Okay, okay, I am kidding. I get crabby. I’ve been trying to identify some of my triggers, and noise is definitely one of them. Now, I can handle the kids yelling and screaming, or worship at church. Combine the kids screaming, with the TV being up too loud, and the dryer running – that’s when we are headed for crabby Momma.

I was thinking about this today, trying to decide if there was someway to curb the crabbiness, even when I get overwhelmed. An interesting thought popped into my head. How much noise does God hear? I cannot fathom all the incoming prayers, the constant praise He is receiving from the angels in heaven, and our loved ones that are with Him, worshipping Him. Consider the fact that the world is experiencing “day time” at all times, in other words, just because it’s night where I am, doesn’t mean it’s night all around the world. There isn’t even room to say that maybe enough people are sleeping at the same time to make it quiet for God for just a moment. I am praising God for His ability to 1: handle all of that noise without getting crabby, and 2: being able to filter my small cry from all of that noise and respond to me in His loving and infinitely wise way!

As I am trying to find ways to cope with the stress that noise causes me to feel, I am also seeking a way to filter out the important voices in my life. God, of course, is the most important voice in my life. I want to hear Him despite the noise. I also want to hear and respond correctly to my children, even when I’m overwhelmed by the volume in the room or truck. I also want to be able to listen to my friends and respond accordingly.

What things affect your mood? Have you found ways to deal with being overwhelmed, without taking it out on the people around you?