So You Married a Writer

So you married a writer, and in my experience, that means you married a thinker and a feeler. I’ve yet to meet a writer that doesn’t try to read between the lines, that doesn’t think things over and over and over again, that doesn’t feel the people and circumstances around them – near or far – quite deeply.

So you married a writer, someone good with words. Someone who likes to put pencil to paper or fingers to keyboard and compose a message from the heart or the imagination. If you married a writer, you may have received letters, emails, or lengthy text messages detailing thoughts, feelings, events, or experiences of said writer.

Let me tell you, these lengthy, wordy messages are a craft of love, a pouring out of the soul, an opening up of oneself to another. These messages are communication from the writer to you – their spouse, their lover, their best friend, their partner.

Don’t take the words for granted, just try to understand what they are saying. And if you ever find yourself complaining that you don’t like the way they write so much, or wait to share their thoughts until they can write them, you might find yourself hearing less and less from them, about them… until one day, they feel as if they are becoming a stranger to you, not fully known, not fully loved.

You don’t have to love to write, or even like it, to love a writer and read the words they send you. You don’t have to write to your writer, really, it’s okay. You can call or wait for the quiet evening hours to fully share your thoughts, we like to listen when you talk. But sometimes words don’t make it as easily from our heads to our mouths as they do from our heads to our pens. Don’t make a writer bottle up what they need to say, simply because you don’t prefer to read. Let them communicate their way. They’ll make space to listen to your words if they come easier in speaking for you.

Marriage can be like a dance between people who do things different ways, if you both learn to give and receive in ways that are not exactly your preference, for the good of each other. It won’t always be your way, and it won’t always be your spouse’s way, it’s a little bit of both and as the years progress, you’ll look back on your hodge podge and see beauty in what once felt like a mess.

Until next time,

Throwback Thursday #3: Hinge Moments

(This post was originally posted on May 29, 2011 here. Apparently I’ve had the “I’m a writer” revelation a few times – usually when I’ve stopped writing for a while. Enjoy and please share your thoughts!)

I’m reading Quitter by Jon Acuff (you can find him here) – and he has a section about hinge moments.

I decided I would write about one of my hinge moments. My mom always encouraged me to write. I used to write book reports for school every year, and she had me pursue several creative writing avenues.

I remember filling up my maroon notebook with poems and short stories. I still have that notebook. When I decided to start writing again, at the end of December, it was a short-sighted, blog regularly for thirty days goal. When I almost died a few days later, I hit that goal full force and blogged regularly for almost 5 months. Now, I am struggling with some “my writing well is dry,” “I’ve got nothing new to say,” “Somebody else has already said that,” and “why bother.” I have been busy writing a book, and as I am undergoing another huge change in the story, I’m trying to decide if I’m over-thinking, or truly improving. I’m beginning to wonder why I should keep pressing into this. It’s getting a lot harder to write something worthwhile. It takes me more time, more thought and more effort. I’m not being disciplined like I should with my time. I’m giving in to the temptation to stalk Facebook like a boyfriend that I wasn’t ready to break it off with. I lurk, for hours, hoping for some small scrap of something to feed on. It dawned on me today, that my life was fine before Facebook, and it will be fine without Facebook. Or at least, without compulsive, every ten-minute, for an hour, checks of Facebook.

Another hinge moment for me, spans over much of my life – when I can’t seem to cope any more, I have to write. I find some form of writing for an outlet. I’ve done everything from write in a diary, to keep a journal, to blog, to finding forums where I can post lengthy bits of information. I’ve even gotten wrapped up in text-only role-play games (generally medieval ones, always something where my characters have a huge dilemma to face and conflict to resolve). I have figured out that writing helps me process information, helps me work through conflict, uncovers my voice, and reveals my opinion to me.

I am a writer. I will no longer deny that or hide from it. I am afraid, at times, to admit it – because I don’t want anyone to tell me I’m not, or that I can’t. Yet, no matter what, I am a writer.

Do you have hinge moments, that helped you recover who you were? That you can look back on and help you realize your calling, your dream?


Always Learning

I try to take an always learning approach to blogging and writing. I want to learn how to write better stories. I want to learn how to reach out to people more. I want to captivate my audience. My audience. Who is my audience? I’m still struggling with defining who, exactly, I want to write to.

Here are the things I currently do to keep learning:

I subscribe to the Merriam Webster online dictionary word of the day!

Words I’ve learned:



a foolish or crazy person

I don’t think I had ever heard that word before.

How about this one:



1. unruly or disorderly : wild

2. marked by shyness and lack of social grace

Wouldn’t it be easier to just say children? No, no, no! Farouche (pronounced fuh-roosh) is far more fun to say!

I enjoy learning new words, and refreshing my memory on old words.

I also read. Mostly I’ve been reading other blogs. I like to read books too. Usually I pick fiction for my book time, but lately I’ve even found my nose in a few books about writing. Books about writing clearer, getting published, and what to expect along the journey toward being a real writer.

Why do I keep getting stuck on that? A real writer. As a friend and I recently confirmed for each other, we are real writers. We spend hours perfecting this hobby of ours. We won’t use the term author until we are published, but published or not, we pour our hearts into this craft. For now, this is a time consuming hobby. For the future? I have no idea.

What is your hobby? What do you do to improve your skill?