Shhh….don’t tell anyone, but I’m taking a break from my “inspired” day that has me busily working on this home of ours. But, this post has been brewing for a few days, and I really want to get back to writing regularly, and I just knew it couldn’t wait any longer.
I just needed to announce that I am completely in love with my “right now”. Today. This moment, where I am alone, cleaning a house (and we are a clan of 5, so think of all the chores…yep, let that sink in…got it?) I love it. And I look forward to this afternoon, when it is crazy hour, and I have to be bossy about homework, and strict about pre-dinner snacking, all while making sure dinner is cooking, dogs are fed, and no one is distracting anyone else. And when baby daddy comes home, and I have to wait for “my” turn because the littles all need a turn first. And pillow talk, when my mouth goes a million miles a minute, and poor baby daddy just wants to rest. I love it.
I didn’t realize how much I had been living looking back, or looking forward, far past my “now” to something different, until the other night. I think I’ve been out of that phase for quite a while, but I was a little stuck in my mind set and thinking patterns and had grown a bit more negative than I like. I was praying, and crying (as I often do these days, thank you hormones), and as I asked God to be the foundation of our family, and to go before each of these people that I love best, I realized how much I have right now. And I let go of some very heavy burdens, and a lot of hurt. And while I am looking forward to many of the future things that are in store for us, I am not desperate to change my right now. And there isn’t a time I want to go back to – no more wishing to manage a country club that stressed me out, no more wishing to be a kid again. I can see just how beautiful, and blessed, my right now is.
This realization, and opening of my eyes, has me hoping and praying that I never lose sight of the “right now” – that by the grace of God, I have the strength for all of the daily tasks, the small and big ones, the easy and hard ones. I pray that I have enough vision to know what those building blocks are doing for all of our futures, and enough patience to keep building. But I pray that I don’t get stuck in the vision, wishing away my right now – because this time is so precious, and there is so much good that it overwhelms me when I really start looking at it. And I pray that all of these people that I love best will love their right now, too, and find the hope that is in the “every day, ordinary” things.