Your Voice Matters

This is a simple request. If your life has been affected by bullying – whether you were bullied, you witnessed bullying, you stood up to bullies, or you were the bully yourself, I want to hear your story. I’m including a form, right here, that will deliver your story directly to me, and me only.

You can send your story anonymously, you can include your name, your location, it is all up to you. If you give me permission to use your story on my blog, check the box. If you give me permission to submit your story to our school administration, as an attempt to begin the necessary steps to make a change, check the box.

I want to hear you, I want to hear how bullying has affected your life. You matter, your story matters, and your experiences are valid and vital.

When They Start Listening

Dear Community,

I am here to put my thoughts and goals down in one place. So many things have been said over the last couple of days, and I am thankful that many people are coming together to have the conversation about bullying, and the dangers of bullying. School should be a safe place for all students, and without doing something about bullying, school doesn’t feel safe for the children targeted by bullies.

First, I want to preface this with my goals/approach with my son. I hope, after hearing what we are doing with him and for him, you will rest easy. My son was expelled for the contents of his journal. The discovery of his journal was multifaceted – the first page, the one turned in, was removed from his journal, after a student took it from his bag to look through it (while he was in the office). Then, when questioned about the page, my son told Mr. Meek about the rest of his journal, and Mr. Meek removed the journal from my son’s backpack and looked through it. (At one point, the student that physically assaulted my son also laughed in his face and told my son, “We got your notebook, you’ll be in more trouble than me.”)

Mr. Meek was right to be concerned about the drawings, the vulgarity, and the anger expressed in my son’s journal. In fact, I’ve never said it was not cause for concern. I have repeated the words a therapist said to me, that if he went through all the notebooks in the school and expelled students all on these grounds, he would have no student body. Mr. Meek said my son could not attend Luther Middle School again until 7th grade, unless he attended in patient treatment. I asked him what our options were if my son did not qualify for in patient treatment, and he said we would not be allowed back until 7th grade if he didn’t go to in patient treatment. Period.

I made the phone calls, completed assessments, and found that my son does not qualify for in patient treatment. In fact, in a moment that was less than professional, one of the mental health assessors said, “If I were you, I would sue the ever-living **** out of that school, that principal, and anyone involved in such an awful decision.”

We have a counselor coming to our home and we are in occupational therapy in a clinic. We are making our narrative about overcoming, even when we struggle, even when life isn’t fair, even when someone or something gets the best of us. We are working toward healing. We are praying for the guidance of our good, good Father as we move forward. We know who we are, and by the very grace of God, we know whose we are.

So, for your peace of mind, and reassurance, my goal is not to send my son back to your school this year. I know the narrative, as it stands, is inciting much fear in all parties. Until we get past that fear, it is hard to have the bullying and mental health conversations that take us from where we are now, to a place of understanding, action, and lasting change.

I also think it is worth noting that at this time, I have no intention of suing the school. It’s been suggested to me by teachers inside and outside of the LPS District, a mental health professional, a police officer, and countless parents that have listened to our story. I do not believe suing the school is the right catalyst for change, and I refuse to believe that the only way to make them listen is to financially burden a school operating in a financial deficit. Court costs money, money I believe should be spent on our students and the teachers that serve them.

On to my next point – the reason and goal behind why I am still involved in these discussions and why I am petitioning for change in the LPS District.

My why: Bullying affects the victim, the perpetrator, and the bystanders for years after school ends. In fact, we are learning more and more that bullying in school affects a person, usually quite negatively, through the course of their entire life. I want to prevent bullying in LPS, and have an appropriate action plan to intervene when it occurs. Denying and rejecting the idea or accusation that bullying is occurring in the schools is only allowing it to continue.

It is enough of a problem that another mom has removed her son from the district to protect him because the school would not act on his behalf or help make school a safe place for him to learn. You can read more about their story here.

It is enough of a problem that a mom reached out to me, through her friend, to confirm that bullying is an issue in the Luther schools. She didn’t want her name known, or her child’s name known. She was afraid of how much worse the problem would be for them. Her concerns have fallen on deaf ears enough times that she doesn’t see any point even reporting the issues any longer.

Victims are voiceless in this battle, currently.

So you know my why, now let’s start a conversation about how.

Monday is Here

Monday is here, and my son is at home, where he didn’t want to be. He wanted to get on the bus and go back to school and continue his journey in the public education sector. I wanted him to make it a great year, and I was working hard to ensure that he was making the most of it. I desperately wish I had gotten involved sooner – I knew he was having trouble with a couple of the boys, but when I asked what he wanted me to do, he said it would get worse if he tattled, and to let him sort it out.

I know kids are cruel and even more so to a snitch, so instead of jumping to action, I tried to listen. I tried to be a strong shoulder and place of comfort while allowing my boy to navigate this new territory. I know now, I made the wrong choice.

We could hang our heads this morning, pout about the things that have gone wrong. We could hang our heads this morning and whine about the injustice we’ve been served. But what good would it do? It won’t change any minds, it won’t make things any better.

We will hold our heads high, and we will learn something new. We will hold our heads high, and we will learn to do better. We are going to dig our heels in and head to the library. I may even look for a casual home school group so he can fulfill his desire for social interaction. But I will not give in, or give up, or let the poor decision of one school, one man really, dictate how the rest of our year will go.

I will not teach my son that bad calls wreck our lives. Alter the course, maybe, but not wreck them. I will not teach him to lay down in defeat, or to wallow in how awful this stuff feels. I will teach him to own and acknowledge how it feels and then to take the next step, because it starts to feel better faster if you don’t just wallow in the yuck.

I’m sorry to the kids and the parents before me, who’ve dealt with a failing and faltering school system. This fight is new to me, but I know many of you have been warring against a broken system for a long, long time. I’m sorry the system is broken, and I realize now there is no easy answer. Keep warring, Mama’s and Papa’s, your babies need you. They need your strong voice, they need your defense. Don’t let this broken system define you, or them. Keep fighting and press on, and maybe one day we will see this system changed for the better.