faith, family, life

Giving Myself Permission

As many of you know, I spent a week in the hospital. I’ve been home for a week as of tomorrow, and life is feeling “normal” – but I’m not sure that’s what it’s supposed to be doing. My mom went home to Colorado yesterday, and the realization that I want to have her in my life on a more regular, not so long distance, way, is really standing out to me. Not just her, but my dad as well, for the love, support, shared meals, and just over all enjoyment of having family nearby. I am going to be praying about what God’s will is, where He wants me, and how He wants me to get there…but talking is the easy part, listening is much harder.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning and rearranging my house. (Am I the only one that rearranges furniture when emotionally off kilter??) I continued my projects today, and the house looks amazing. I realized how much I love what simply moving furniture can do for a space! I’ve wanted to get out my scrapbooks for creative therapy, but I keep putting it off because I’m cleaning and rearranging. Tonight I got the table ready and I have given myself permission to spend tomorrow scrapping after church. In fact, I’m planning on spending all day scrapping – even if that means I let my kids play too many video games and watch too many movies.

See, I’m mom and dad, full-time, 24/7 now. The boys’ dad has left the state, leaving me to care for them 24/7. I am working on giving myself permission to ask friends to help when I need a break, but I think that giving myself permission to do a “me” something is the first step. I’ve even decided to not feel guilty if they play Kinect Adventures all day, or Wii sports, or Pet Rescue….or watch too many Dora’s, Veggies Tales, and Tangled plays 3 times. I don’t often resort to video game/television as a babysitter, and I usually beat myself up if we watch an hour instead of thirty minutes in a day, but not tomorrow. Monday the daycare will be open again, we will be back to school, and I think taking a breather will be good for all of us tomorrow.

So, that’s my update for today – the timer on the banana bread is beeping, so I have to run! I’ll be back again soon! 🙂

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